Maybe it is You
Who is behind it all?
So, imagine you are standing in front of a mirror. Perhaps fresh out of bed. Morning hair and all. And as you look at your reflection in this mirror, you try to brush the hair of the reflection itself. The brush just keeps hitting the mirror. Damn it! Can’t happen. You can’t change the reflection, by trying to alter the reflection. The source of the image decides the reflection, that the mirror is reflecting. And that source is … You.
It can seem that the world is happening to us. That we are the recipient of the world, and how that goes, our experience of the world, is somehow fixed. That we are at the mercy of “reality.” Or are we?
I was trudging through the challenges of a malicious boss. He was constantly belittling me. It was personal with him. He wanted me beaten down. Every day I went into work, I would come home emotionally upset. I just wanted to crash on the couch and channel surf watching TV. After a while, my emotions would have settled down, and I would go about my evening. Only to get up and do it all over again the next day.
He was a jerk. He was. I promise.
It couldn’t be me. I wasn’t provoking him. I would be super nice to him. Walking on eggshells to try to get through the day. I would even try to avoid him, but day after day, for about a decade, the story repeated itself.
Then I cracked open. His constant belittling of me put me on a psychiatrist couch. I had been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years, when it happened. What I didn’t know about myself was that I had a huge amount of anger within me. Huge. And in one particular session, I cracked open and an immense amount of anger left my persona. Anger that I had no idea was there. Within a month or so, I purposely delved into my own psyche and found a lot more anger within me and released it. Over that month, a large amount of subconscious emotions left my persona.
Then a curious thing happened. I became … invisible.
Metaphorically, I just fell off my boss’s radar. He was no longer interested in me. He no longer singled me out. He pretty much left me alone.
What the hell?
He was subconsciously responding to my anger. He had an ocean of anger himself. But it was my anger, that I didn’t know I had, that was intimidating him. That was making him very motivated to control the situation, by trying to control me. He was scared to death of his own anger, and his behavior was to keep himself safe, by keeping me in a reactive behavior with my anger. A survival mechanism within him, that was probably learned at a very early age. Perhaps modeled by his parents.
My boss was not a jerk to me, because of me per se. Sure, he was reacting to my subconscious anger. But it was his own subconscious posturing with his anger that kept me the target of his manipulation techniques. I was a threat to his relationship with anger and he was fierce at keeping me in check.
So then, lets take a step back. Was my boss being a jerk to me because he was a jerk? Maybe. But I was resonating with the drama with my own karmic energy. I was the source of the “reflection.” I was the source of the anger that was getting stirred up. I had a very large amount of anger within me, that attracted to me a karmic teacher. He was my reflection. He was what the law of attraction had brought to me, to reflect back to me, my own posturing with the emotion of anger.
Now this is important. I could have left, and found a different job with a different boss. But a new karmic teacher, perhaps in the role of my new boss, would have taken his place. If I had left, before I got cracked open, the law of attraction would have attracted to me a different teacher. Yet I would have to start all over, with the new teacher, to get to the point of conflict that had taken years to develop. If you have someone in your life that is causing turbulence in your own psyche, don’t leave the teacher, but rather, learn the lesson with your existing teacher.
Perhaps you have heard of someone saying … Every one of my husbands have cheated on me. Those bastards! lol
Just like I could have moved to another job and, over time, had the same experience with my new boss, or karmic teacher, or karmic reflection.
I get that the karmic mechanisms can be difficult to figure out. So often, they are happening below our radar. Subconscious mechanisms that are really deciding our lives, until we can root them out and release the karmic energy behind them.
The experience(s) you are having are 100 percent your reflection. It’s all you baby! Once you can figure this out, you can totally sculpt your reflections to be a mirror of you. A mirror of your self-love, compassion, forgiveness, joy, etc. It can take a few tries to see the relationship that you have with your experience. To see that it is all your reflection. That you ultimately decide your experience(s). As within yourself, so it is outside of yourself.
Your freedom is an inside job. Your purity of subconscious energy decides your freedom. Pure Authentic YOU!