The triggered Ego

Here one moment … gone the next

Have you ever had a deep friendship just vanish? Yikes!

I worked with a very dear friend for a decade. He felt like a brother to me. We were very dear friends. We both worked in a TV station accomplishing big projects and having the times of our lives. And his wife was throwing him a surprise birthday party. Cool! I’m there! … or so I thought.

I asked her where it was, and she said … YOU are not invited? What? Why! She hardly even knew me. We had met briefly perhaps several years prior. Why is this happening?

I actually got angry. Why the hell can’t I come to his surprise party? I KNOW he would love to have me there… Didn’t matter. No. Well … it went downhill from there. Now he is “not allowed” to talk to me. Why? I seriously have no idea. Poof … gone.

None of us had an ego the day we were born. We all “grew” our identity from scratch. And these “identities” can become very fragile.

In another example, I had another very dear “brother.” Although we were not related, we shared several decades of a very dear friendship. We worked together at two different TV stations in two different states. I remember when his daughter, his only child, was born. He “got” me like nobody else ever has. I could talk in a very abbreviated way, and he got it all. We were so very close. Then he got cancer. What the hell? I was sure we would work together for the rest of our lives. My soul was showing me how TV would be part of my life for a very long time. And I saw my friend right there beside me. OK, maybe the cancer was his soul trying to wake him up a bit.

Well, he recovered from cancer. Whew! Don’t scare me like that! He seemed to be doing fine. We talked on the phone, and he was sharing a new microphone design with me. We both did electronic design. “I’ll call you in a week or so … ”

Then about five days later … I was on Facebook and I am reading his daughter’s post. She is talking about someone who had passed away. Huh? I read the post a few more times… And then it hit me like a freight train. My dear brother had relapsed. He went to the hospital … and passed away. The family didn’t have a funeral. They cremated him … and he was gone just like that. He was completely gone before I even heard of it. What the Fuck! My heart shattered! I collapsed in deep remorse. I couldn’t believe it. It was one of the most painful things I have ever felt. Just like that, he was gone.

A few months went by, and I tried to call his widow. We were really good friends and I wanted to support her. Her phone number was no longer valid. And I knew her daughter had moved her out of state. So I messaged their daughter on FB. Nothing. She would not reply. Snap! My connection to his family was gone. Again, I have no idea why.

The ego can become extremely sensitive. Where it is easily offended. And it gets triggered. And becomes polarized. Galvanized. Jaded. Throwing up a polarized condition that it will defend to its death. And it can have nothing to do with you.

You cannot decide how others will behave. You can’t. It is an inside process for them. For everyone, really.

You take on karma when you posture with what is. I am not saying you can’t have preferences and boundaries. But the act of posturing is a karmic stigma. If I hate war, I anchor it in my consciousness. I create an emotional re-action to it. And the quantum field reflects that back to me. OK, war! Keep it in the narrative. Got it!

I prefer a world without war. I also acknowledge that I live in a universe with fierce free will. I cannot have total freedom to create, unless I allow the full spectrum of the shadow side of creation as a possibility. Total freedom includes all possibilities. And thus, total freedom can make for some difficult challenges. Like the karmic tsunami we are all witnessing. The Master Class for a Soul to incarnate into.

Love You!