Getting Past the Struggles
One Step at a Time
Where did you come from?
Perhaps the question is, who is this “you” we are talking about?
Are we talking about your Soul as this “you?” If so, then perhaps we would talk about the journey of your Soul. And perhaps previous lives. The themes of your last several incarnations. Etc.
Or perhaps we are talking about your ego. Well, that is quite a different conversation.
For this moment, let’s look at your ego.
Were your parents fully realized personifications of the Divine? In other words, were your parents without any karma or stigmas? Were your parents performing miracle after miracle as the saviors of the past have promised us all we would all eventually be able to do?
My guess is probably … no.
Certainly for me, no. My parents had plenty of struggles of their own. But here is my point. There is a tendency to stay out of the tough stuff. To keep things manageable.
Have you ever water skied? There is the moment when you first start up. At first, you are floating in the water, and the boat starts accelerating. It accelerates and starts pulling you out of the water. There is immense turbulence. Most of your body is submerged, and is being pulled through the water with great resistance. You try to strong-arm your balance. It can seem pretty chaotic. But once you get past the startup, there you are, and a sense of ease and grace come into play. Now you can do as you choose and it is fun and exciting.
Our parents had a way of managing their struggles. Sometimes it wasn’t too pretty. And even if they seemed “normal,” there too can be a way behind the “normal,” a way of keeping it all manageable that was there. When we bump up against how we feel, when we are not feeling that good, this can keep us “in the water” so to speak. Using the water skiing example, if we just stayed still, just floating in the water, we wouldn’t feel the struggle. That’s easy, I’ll just stay “here.” But it is the very nature of life to expand. To evolve through our struggles. To grow who we are.
I avoided so much of myself, for many decades. It was really automatic. I just copied my parents’ coping techniques. After all, this “me/ego” was literally created copying them. I metaphorically preferred staying still in the water. But now, I am free. At least, much more free than I was. What I am getting at here is that there is a finite amount of “karma” in our psyche. Yet, we can have these patterns of avoiding bumping up against the “bad” feelings. I had very deep mechanisms to avoid anger at all cost. Yet, here I am today, with a much healthier relationship with anger. Anger can come up in my psyche, and I don’t flinch. Hello anger. I see you. What do you have to teach me about this moment? (Anger) “Well Les, you are not respecting yourself in this situation.” OMG you are right, thank you thank you for showing me that. I never would have received that for the first several decades of my life.
When I first “allowed” anger to flare up, I felt so much turbulence. Just like when the boat starts to pull you up out of the water, using the water skiing example. Thank God I didn’t let go and return to staying still. I had to go through the anger, to get past it. Not past it as in that I will never feel it again. But rather, to get past the learned behavior of avoiding it at all cost. Anger could have been my guide for many decades. But my avoidance of it kept it at bay.
When we decide to “resolve” those things we posture with, within ourselves, we start to move towards freedom. It is that first time that is the worst. That first time we stop our default reaction of retreat. Where we stay in the feeling. That first time is critical. But then it gets easier. Just like those first moments of getting started water skiing, we are pulling our whole body through the water, until we can get on top of the water. The second and third time is easier. But a curious thing happens, that never could have happened before, had we stayed posturing with our more difficult feelings. We get intuitive. As we allow our feelings, the feelings themselves have information for us. Information we were avoiding by avoiding the feelings. But as we allow our feelings to express themselves, we get intuitive about what those feelings are telling us. This is gold, really. Our feelings are really information, in the moment, showing us what we could do.
There is a finite amount of karma in your psyche. In other words, whatever you are keeping suppressed, can be resolved. When you learn how to go through your feelings, they all get easier. Just like once you get going water skiing, is becomes easier, and you can move about, on top of the water with ease.
It is quite likely that nobody in your family of origin ever got past the posturing phase. Most of humanity is entrenched in the posturing and festering with their emotions. Just look at social media. But freedom and emotional intelligence await you to get past that first encounter with what you might be avoiding. The first time is perhaps the toughest. But as you experience it, it becomes more and more familiar until it has no significant power over you. The doorway to an uncommon life.
Love You!
Les
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